THEME - Housing: $28,000 3-room HDB flat comparing to $350,000 similar flat nowaday

He was standing there as though he was rooted to the ground. 71 year-old Mr. Sia suffered a stroke in 2008, just before he retired as a PUB technician. He still has difficulty walking and tries his best to move about as much as he could everyday.

We spoke after I gave him a packet of vegetarian beehoon. He told me he had seen his Member of Parliament but was not happy with the outcome. He then went on to share with me some of his deepest concerns. When he bought his 3-room flat in which he still lives, he was drawing a salary of $1,600. His flat cost him $28,000 and he was able to pay off his mortgage in 10 years. He laments that his children will not enjoy the same comfort level that he had. Even with a salary of $3,000, his eldest daughter is unable to buy a similar flat, which now costs almost $350,000.

His 3 children, all daughters, are living with him. Owing to the high costs of living, they are not able to give him much monthly allowance. He regrets having given up his pension scheme when he was a civil servant. He puts it down to not having been given a choice at all and even then with the CPF route , he has monies retained in his CPF account which he could not withdraw.

He also talked about how some people would take advantage of do-gooders in his neighbourhood. Once he wanted to help someone who asked for money. When he took out $2, the man refused to accept and demanded for $10. He was completely disheartened by the experience which was echoed by another elderly man whom I spoke to earlier.

Mr. Sia tried to move his legs after talking to me and found them immobilised. After taking my advice to do some leg stretching, he was able to stagger slowly in the direction of his flat. Watching him walk, there is no doubt that good health is afterall, one's most precious possession in old age.

From Counselling to Mediation

One of the most meaningful engagements in my life was to have joined the Samaritans of Singapore ("SOS") back in the mid 90's.

After a long training which lasted for a year with interim assessments, I finally landed in the phone room, answering the SOS hotline. The people who called in were mostly emotionally or psychologically troubled. There were unmarried mothers, mental patients and those who were suffering from depression or entertaining suicidal thoughts. These conversations can be emotionally draining on those who do not have emotional temerity to cope with what counsellors term as "transferences", leaving them feeling down and out.

SOS gave me a steep learning curve and I drew valuable lessons from the unhappy experiences of the callers that shaped my outlook in life. It was also a tough period that strengthened my resolve to make time for those who need help. Running my legal practice in the day and attending to the hotlines at SOS was a big challenge. After the birth of my third child, I left SOS but the skills I acquired never left me. I consistently used them to influence the people around me to think and act positively. I found myself counselling clients and friends in relational issues. Once, I even spent nights on end counselling a couple who had young children studying in the same school as my children. They were at the verge of breaking up and days later patched up, keeping their family intact until this day.

Mediation in the courts began some 20 years ago. It started as a judge-dominated process and improved over time with the setting up of the Singapore Mediation Centre. There were training courses and accreditation was given to those who passed the relevant tests. By the time I decided to be accredited as a mediator, I was already armed with qualifications in psychology and clinical hypnotherapy. All these knowledge about the human mind gave me great advantage in mediation which I saw as another form of counselling.

I mediated at different venues for different types of disputes. From sibling disputes over parental care, neighbour disputes over noise, leakage, corridor obstructions and land encroachments to landlord-tenant issues, consumer disputes over slimming packages, time resorts, second-hand car purchases, renovation contracts, etc., mediation has expanded my insights into human interactions under various circumstances.

Everyone has a personality and how that personality is formed has many theories. Whatever those grand theories may be, no two persons are completely alike and we need to appreciate that there are differences between individuals. Understanding those differences is the key to understanding personal conflicts and how they can be resolved, minimised or avoided.

A little kindness can go a long way

It's Fathers' Day but whole families came to help in the distribution of rations organized by Project Awareness today. For the first time, the volunteers were brought along to help in buying the rations from NTUC. Almost entire shelves were cleared of the items needed and once the items were checked, packing began at the nearby void area. 

The children volunteers got busy doing their part in stuffing the bags with bread, biscuits, noodles and canned food. In the midst of packing, MP Baey Yam Keng and SDA's Desmond Lim dropped by for a surprise visit and showed their support. It is to the residents' benefit when political affiliations do not stand in the way of attending to their welfare. Indeed, that is the way forward to foster greater social unity, trust and respect.

100 bags of rations were prepared for distribution and most of these were distributed to the needy residents in two blocks of rental flats in Tampines. A regular volunteer, Belinda, volunteered to visit a resident in Hougang to pass him a bag of rations. We bid the volunteers a Happy Fathers's Day at the end of the Tampines event and went on to visit some residents in French Road, King George and Bendemeer.  Besides visiting their homes to pass them rations, we also handed out rations to some lonely elderly people on the streets. 

I received a warm welcome from everyone I meet. Even the children remember my name and do not shy away from me. It was exceptionally heartwarming when they call out to me "Mr. Tan" and then break out into their precocious smiles. It was time well spent on Father's Day.

Along the way to Bendemeer, I came across an elderly lady struggling to make her way up a gradual slope near the traffic junction. As I wheeled her along to the market where we were all heading, she told me she came from China 8 years ago and had broken her spine. She lives with her son who came here 11 years ago and works as a cook. Interestingly, she was making her way to the market to buy noodles to cook for her son despite her incapacity. It was a touching act of motherly love indeed.

At my last stop at Bendemeer Road, we visited a Malay family that was too poor to buy paint to do up their house for Hari Raya Puasa. Madam Faridah's husband works as a cleaner and has 4 children, 3 of whom are still schooling. The eldest child, a daughter, has been working part-time. Crying, she related to us her family's dire financial circumstances but what pains her most is that they cannot afford to paint their house to celebrate such an important Malay festival. 

Another resident at Bendemeer Road, 43 year-old Than, was lying in bed with his aged parents visiting. He is single and lives alone. He suffers from muscular dystrophy, a degenerative condition that worsened 8 years ago. He used to be a building technician but now sells tissues from his wheelchair. He is drawing down his CPF savings and is worried that it may not last him more than a year. Touch Community has been liaising with him via email but he said he is still trying to get them to rectify his particulars in their record and to provide some assistance to him.

The people who need help may not always know where or how to get help. Some may feel no one cares but Singaporeans are generous lot. They are just busy coping with the pace of living in Singapore but they are always ready to show a little kindness when there is an opportunity. Even on a Sunday and on Fathers' Day. We see that spirit of giving in our volunteers. Be it a kind word of encouragement or just extending a helping hand or providing resources, the volunteers all believe that a little kindness can go a long way.