Kindness begets kindness

Her family is a beneficiary under Project Awareness but she can't wait to reciprocate. Tonight, secondary school student, Liani, joined me to visit a Malay resident in Tampines with Jacky.

Mdm Rohaini is in her early 60s' and live in a one room flat with her younger sister, a divorcee who works10 hours a day to earn $50 as a kitchen helper. Mdm Rohaini used to work as a cleaner earning $1,020 until this year when she had to stop working. She had a heart by-pass surgery 10 years ago and has to undergo another bypass. She has already gone through two heart surgeries and is due to be operated again soon.

Her monthly rent and utilities come up to about $300 and she is waiting for the outcome of her application to Comcare for financial support. On advice, she will be seeing her MP to help her reduce the rent as her sister is the only one working and she is incapacitated.

Mdm Rohaini needs a wheelchair to go out and has one on loan from her brother. However, she has to return it soon as her brother's mother-in-law,who suffered a stroke, needs it again. When we visited her, her mentally-challenged younger brother was there. He has come to help take care of Mdm Rohaini and was sitting by her bedside.

We left the flat but returned later from a nearby supermarket. Liani had helped us to pick some items for Mdm Rohaini. Besides rice and biscuits, there was also fresh ration as Mdm Rohaini and her sister still cook at home. This was the second time that Liani has turned volunteer. When I asked her about the visit tonight, she said she was willing to help out more often. 

Liani has set an example of how people who receive help can help others as well. Kindness begets kindness and that really keeps everything going in the right direction.

We care. I am sure we all do

The volunteers arrived in groups. There were friends, couples, parent and child, and even individuals who were alone, who decided to do some good on a Sunday morning yesterday.

They had come to help distribute bread, biscuits, cooked rice and roti prata to two blocks of 16-storey high rental flats in North Bridge Road. They knocked on the doors, talked to the residents and helped to note down the living conditions of the flat dwellers, who were mostly living alone or with someone else. 

The oldest resident we met today was a 93 year-old grandmother who was dressed in her black buddhist robes. She was about to start her prayers when we visited and was happy that we had come. She was a little hard of hearing and lives all by herself. Her only daughter is apparently suffering from a weak heart and I gather they hardly see each other and communicate only through the telephone.

At the end of the distribution, I spoke to the volunteers who had joined us for the first time in such kind of work. Some found it hard to express what they had seen and they were surprised that there were such needy people in affluent Singapore. They are saddened by their encounters today but their spirits are uplifted by the sight of so many fellow volunteers who came to show they care.

We care. I am sure we all do. And as we count our blessings,  let's continue to show those less fortunate than us a little kindness whenever we can.

The Boy From Trengganu - A New Start

The happy news came earlier than expected. The police have finally closed their investigations and returned the passport to him.

When I met him this evening, he was overjoyed. He never expected his life would return to normalcy so soon. Just a week ago when I found him shelter at volunteer Lella's place, he was preparing to wait for months before he could live a normal life again.

We adjourned to the East Coast Lagoon Food Village for him to break his fast and have a dinner celebration. I asked for his plans. He said he was going to visit his good friend in Johor Bahru before returning to Singapore to look for work again. He wants to be able to earn some money to give his parents when he sees them. His dream ambition is to work in the airlines as he has completed a course in Malaysia to equip himself.

He had a good appetite and was all smiles throughout. A good samaritan has given him $300 for him to start afresh. As I passed him the money on behalf of the anonymous donor, tears welled up in his eyes.

The boy from Trengganu will be leaving Singapore tomorrow. As I bid him farewell and wished him well, he hugged me and thanked me profusely. He has indeed found friends in Singapore when he was down and will never forget the many helping hands that were stretched out to him in this foreign land. Lastly, thank you Lailan for bringing him to Project Awareness.

From Counselling to Mediation

One of the most meaningful engagements in my life was to have joined the Samaritans of Singapore ("SOS") back in the mid 90's.

After a long training which lasted for a year with interim assessments, I finally landed in the phone room, answering the SOS hotline. The people who called in were mostly emotionally or psychologically troubled. There were unmarried mothers, mental patients and those who were suffering from depression or entertaining suicidal thoughts. These conversations can be emotionally draining on those who do not have emotional temerity to cope with what counsellors term as "transferences", leaving them feeling down and out.

SOS gave me a steep learning curve and I drew valuable lessons from the unhappy experiences of the callers that shaped my outlook in life. It was also a tough period that strengthened my resolve to make time for those who need help. Running my legal practice in the day and attending to the hotlines at SOS was a big challenge. After the birth of my third child, I left SOS but the skills I acquired never left me. I consistently used them to influence the people around me to think and act positively. I found myself counselling clients and friends in relational issues. Once, I even spent nights on end counselling a couple who had young children studying in the same school as my children. They were at the verge of breaking up and days later patched up, keeping their family intact until this day.

Mediation in the courts began some 20 years ago. It started as a judge-dominated process and improved over time with the setting up of the Singapore Mediation Centre. There were training courses and accreditation was given to those who passed the relevant tests. By the time I decided to be accredited as a mediator, I was already armed with qualifications in psychology and clinical hypnotherapy. All these knowledge about the human mind gave me great advantage in mediation which I saw as another form of counselling.

I mediated at different venues for different types of disputes. From sibling disputes over parental care, neighbour disputes over noise, leakage, corridor obstructions and land encroachments to landlord-tenant issues, consumer disputes over slimming packages, time resorts, second-hand car purchases, renovation contracts, etc., mediation has expanded my insights into human interactions under various circumstances.

Everyone has a personality and how that personality is formed has many theories. Whatever those grand theories may be, no two persons are completely alike and we need to appreciate that there are differences between individuals. Understanding those differences is the key to understanding personal conflicts and how they can be resolved, minimised or avoided.

A little kindness can go a long way

It's Fathers' Day but whole families came to help in the distribution of rations organized by Project Awareness today. For the first time, the volunteers were brought along to help in buying the rations from NTUC. Almost entire shelves were cleared of the items needed and once the items were checked, packing began at the nearby void area. 

The children volunteers got busy doing their part in stuffing the bags with bread, biscuits, noodles and canned food. In the midst of packing, MP Baey Yam Keng and SDA's Desmond Lim dropped by for a surprise visit and showed their support. It is to the residents' benefit when political affiliations do not stand in the way of attending to their welfare. Indeed, that is the way forward to foster greater social unity, trust and respect.

100 bags of rations were prepared for distribution and most of these were distributed to the needy residents in two blocks of rental flats in Tampines. A regular volunteer, Belinda, volunteered to visit a resident in Hougang to pass him a bag of rations. We bid the volunteers a Happy Fathers's Day at the end of the Tampines event and went on to visit some residents in French Road, King George and Bendemeer.  Besides visiting their homes to pass them rations, we also handed out rations to some lonely elderly people on the streets. 

I received a warm welcome from everyone I meet. Even the children remember my name and do not shy away from me. It was exceptionally heartwarming when they call out to me "Mr. Tan" and then break out into their precocious smiles. It was time well spent on Father's Day.

Along the way to Bendemeer, I came across an elderly lady struggling to make her way up a gradual slope near the traffic junction. As I wheeled her along to the market where we were all heading, she told me she came from China 8 years ago and had broken her spine. She lives with her son who came here 11 years ago and works as a cook. Interestingly, she was making her way to the market to buy noodles to cook for her son despite her incapacity. It was a touching act of motherly love indeed.

At my last stop at Bendemeer Road, we visited a Malay family that was too poor to buy paint to do up their house for Hari Raya Puasa. Madam Faridah's husband works as a cleaner and has 4 children, 3 of whom are still schooling. The eldest child, a daughter, has been working part-time. Crying, she related to us her family's dire financial circumstances but what pains her most is that they cannot afford to paint their house to celebrate such an important Malay festival. 

Another resident at Bendemeer Road, 43 year-old Than, was lying in bed with his aged parents visiting. He is single and lives alone. He suffers from muscular dystrophy, a degenerative condition that worsened 8 years ago. He used to be a building technician but now sells tissues from his wheelchair. He is drawing down his CPF savings and is worried that it may not last him more than a year. Touch Community has been liaising with him via email but he said he is still trying to get them to rectify his particulars in their record and to provide some assistance to him.

The people who need help may not always know where or how to get help. Some may feel no one cares but Singaporeans are generous lot. They are just busy coping with the pace of living in Singapore but they are always ready to show a little kindness when there is an opportunity. Even on a Sunday and on Fathers' Day. We see that spirit of giving in our volunteers. Be it a kind word of encouragement or just extending a helping hand or providing resources, the volunteers all believe that a little kindness can go a long way.

Homeless Malay Boy with $7 left in his wallet

He left his family in Trengganu to work in Singapore. Only 18 years old, he was looking forward to supplement his family income. He is the only son in a family of 4 children and his father works as a driver. 

He paid an agent $3000 and landed a job in as a cashier in a food court in January. Soon, he found himself having to pay fot the cash shortfall resulting from his oversights. He was getting paid less than the $800 salary that he was supposed to be getting and took some money from the tills to top up his ez link card and to cover the shortfalls. He was arrested in May and spent 2 days in remand. Shortly after he was released on bail, his employer cancelled his work permit and evicted him from his lodging.

His bailor friend provided him with a place to shower but by 6 pm everyday, he has to leave before his friend's wife returns home. They are newly married and it was not appropriate for him to bunk in. So for the past couple of weeks, this boy has been sleeping everywhere and anywhere. One night, while he was sleeping out in the open at Siloso beach, someone stole his watch and ipad.

I met him at the foot of the block of flats where his friend lives. He looked lean and has been fasting. He speaks in English but slowly and told me that the police are still investigating his case.They have asked him to report next month and he has no income anymore. With only $7 left in his wallet, he does not know where his next meal will come from after that is spent. My friend Lai Lan, who brought his plight to my attention, has liaised with the Malaysian embassy but does not know if they have written yet to the police to expedite the case. She intends to follow up.

He says he has taken not more than $250 in total but his boss has forcefully taken $400 from his wallet before he was evicted. He felt helpless at the injustice he has suffered and hopes to go home as soon as possible. But he is now stuck between a rock and a hard place, with no job, no money and no roof over his head. At only 18 years old and marooned in a foreign land, one cannot help but feel sorry for him. And his parents would be worried sick.

The immediate concern was to provide him with shelter to keep him safe and warm. Nor Lella Mardiiiah, a volunteer with Project Awareness, kindly agreed to provide him shelter. But before leaving for the shelter, we brought him for dinner, shop for his toiletries and rations, top-up his mobile pre-paid card and pass him $50 cash. Having settled him in at the shelter I asked him to show me his family photo but unfortunately the only photo he has was in the ipad that was stolen from him. I told him to contact his parents and he could finally assure them that he was safe. 

After so many weeks, he finally has a fresh change of clothes and a bed to sleep in. Before leaving him at close to midnight, he shook my hands and I finally saw it. His big smile.

Eunos Flat Cleaning on 6 June 2015

They came with brooms, mops, brushes and pails in response to the call by Project Awareness for volunteers to help clean up Mr. Lim's flat. 

The fumigation has been completed and it's time to scrub the badly stained floors, walls and ceilings before the painting work can begin. The furniture had to be moved out and there were dead insects and cockroach eggs everywhere. Lizards scurried around and Mr. Lim helped to move his belongings to the corridor.

The rooms were in a terrible state of disrepair. The kitchen sink had corroded and the volunteers went about their chores without fuss. The RC volunteers came shortly thereafter. They appeared to be taken aback at the sight but soon found the courage to enter the flat to help.

I was surprised that they were mostly elderly folks but their volunteering spirit was truly commendable. Some began to help peeling out the broken vinyl floor tiles in the bedrooms whilst others helped in scrubbing the walls.

With the hard work from everyone, the cleaning was completed right after noon. The painters came later and by evening, the flat was painted. But there's some other work to be done on another day.

A Visit to Toa Payoh on Saturday 16.05.2015

Old housing estates like Toa Payoh never lose their appeal. In fact, they age like vintage wine. Standing at the bend of tree-lined Lorong 7 which was utterly free of traffic, I could instantly feel the inviting quiet charm of this old satellite town.

Ron works at the Care Centre and was busy entertaining the elderly residents at the void deck. A bunch of NTU students had come to host some games and the happy folks were competing to give the right answers. The Centre has a kitchen and cooks 2 meals a day for those who are on their needs list. Project Awareness blessed the elderly residents with 40 boxes of Perk Beverages.

Mr. Kok was stressed out by his unpaid medical bills and expressed his frustration that he could not use his CPF monies to pay them. Born in 1949, he did not know at all whether he was eligible for the Pioneer Generation medical benefits. He was also worried sick about his imminent surgery to remove his bile and thought he might just die. After hearing some reassuring words, his mind was finally at ease. Initially reticent about receiving any favours, he finally agreed to accept some rations because he could not work and had no income. Noticing that his prayer offerings were pathetically placed on his floor, we offered to provide an altar table. He was surprised at what he thought was a very gracious offer but was more than happy to accept.

Old Granny Teo is a Hainanese and her husband is Teochew. Both are 83 years old and she has been passing out blood. She has 3 children who are almost all in their 60s and themselves in need. She is gearing up for surgery on Monday and was worried. Her husband, who has weak legs, was seated in the living room most of the time. Mdm Tan tried to put on a brave front but she soon could not control her tears as she shared her worries with us.

Margaret is 76. She lives alone and has been suffering from depression. Her aged father just passed away at 100 and her bedridden mother, aged 95, still does not know. Troubled by how to cope with her mother's persistent queries about her father, Margaret is constantly in tears. Her mother lives nearby and she knows her mother's days are numbered which adds to her feelings of melancholy.

Mdm Khoo has run out of help. HDB has told her that she has to take care of her internal spalling paintwork and she does not know who to turn to. When she saw us, she invited us into her flat and showed us the kitchen wall and toilet ceiling. The walls had traces of external seepage and the spalling toilet ceiling looked really bad.

Old Mr. Ayyakannu is 83 and his wife is 76. This gentle old Indian couple lives without their children who have moved to India. Even though they take their daily meals at the Care Centre, he  and his wife needed some dry rations. As we were talking, the Town Council's friendly plumber, Kannan, emerged from the flat with a smile. He had come to fix a leaking pipe and the old couple were happy with the job he had done. And more so with his friendly disposition.

She had her right leg amputated because of gangrene and lives alone. When we asked what we could do for her, she said all she needed was someone to help her clean up her electric standing fan. She invited us in and without ado, we got into action to carry out such the task which was difficult for her. Within minutes, the fan was in clean working condition and she was all smiles.

Mdm Du was opened her gate and invited us in. She was upset about how she and a group of colleagues were asked to leave the hotel where she worked a few years ago. She had reached 62 and the hotel did not pay them anything other than their last drawn pay. She rattled on about how the union had failed to protect her rights even though she had been faithfully paying the monthly membership fees. She asked if I could help her read some letters and produced them from her drawer. Her birth date appeared in a letter from the hospital and we realised that today was her birthday. Instantly, we burst into a birthday song and she was overjoyed. Perhaps, no one has sung her a birthday song for a very long time and she flashed the biggest smile we had seen.

The façade of Block 5 was colourful and surrounded by big trees. Walking from floor to floor, I noticed the corridors to be brightly lit and the residents had kept the floors clean. However, there were loose wires hanging out from electrical boxes and litter collecting on the parapets. Perhaps, closer attention could be paid to safety and hygiene by the relevant authorities.

At the close of the visit, we dropped by the United Temple. It consists of 5 smaller temples from the different dialect groups in the Chinese community in old Toa Payoh. We were warmly greeted by the organising committee of the Hokkien clan who were celebrating Tua Pek Kong's birthday. Overwhelmed by their hospitality, I made a small donation as a show of appreciation and support and was given a bag of festive goodies to bring home.

This was another chapter in my book of knowledge. Behind every door and fellow human being is a story that will help us to better appreciate our own existence. We learn that each of us walks a different journey in life. As we walk ours, let's just take some time to extend a listening ear and a helping hand to those in need and make our own journey that more meaningful.

Infamous Eunos hoarder

For the last 20 years, they hardly spoke to each other. His wife has turned into a serial hoarder, piling up trash in their home but he never left her. Mdm Soh has turned their flat into a dumping ground. Infested with cockroaches and bugs, Mr Lim tolerated everything she did and soon he was left with no room to sleep in. Not even a place sit down. His bed was the wooden sofa with removable cushions and he was always scratching his body. Bitten by the bugs everyday, he had said in his own words that "the cockroaches have become my friends".

I visited Mr. Lim a second time this morning with the pestbusters. Two weeks ago, a team of cleaners led by the RC came to clear out the trash. After that day, Mdm Soh was sent to IMH for treatment. A request was made to Project Awareness to step in to help restore the Lim's flat but before that could be done, it had to be fumigated.

I inquired after Mr. Lim's health and how he feelt about his now "empty" flat. Surprisingly, he did not sound as solemn as before and was more chatty. He even smiled to me. From his smile, I could see that he was happy that the trash was gone. Even his immediate neighbour, Mdm Ashikin, whose family was most badly affected by the infestation, noted that Mr. Lim (whom she calls affectionately "Uncle Lim"), was cheerier. But there was somebody whom he missed. And you may find it hard to believe. It was his wife, Mdm Soh.

One would feel surprised that he would miss someone who had turned his whole world upside down and gave him a living hell. I asked why he missed her and he actually said he wanted her to come home. It is hard to fathom matters of the heart but here is the man who stood by his woman all the time and never thought of leaving her. Even when she was the infamous Eunos hoarder.